ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
