if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
