i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
