She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
