The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
