I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
