so explain again why im purple
no
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
