She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
