i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
