Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
