at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
