I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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