Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
