I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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