Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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