so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
