i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
