That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
