There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
