Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
