Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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