it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I see more hoeing in ur future
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