Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
