I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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