he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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