its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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