He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Drunk is not a location!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
