her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
