I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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