I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
