So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
