I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
