One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
