Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
