walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
