I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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