Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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