Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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