I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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