You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
