my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
