We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
