Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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