dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
