My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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