Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
