one two three fourrrrnication!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
