Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
