happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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