proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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