I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
